For those who may not have heard about sociology it is "the science or study of the origin, development, organization, and functioning of human society; the science of the fundamental laws of social relations, institutions, etc." - thanks dictionary.com.
Sociology is a great field of study and my understanding of its theories have helped shape my view points on many topics.
About half way through my degree I was in a family sociology class when we read a book called "The Package Deal: Marriage, Work and Fatherhood in Men's Lives". At that point I was not married but was dating my future wife.
This book deals with the idea that men/fathers have competing interests that battle for their time, attention, and dedication. When I began to read this book it crystallized ideas that had been floating in my head for a long time. As men/fathers (especially within the LDS culture) it is expected that we will be successful at work, that we will provide for our family, that we will be actively engaged in our children lives and spend more time with them, try to do a more equal load of chores around the house, and that we will magnify and fulfill our callings (not from the book I added that one in). When thinking about these different tensions I would become so frustrated as I tried to "plan" how I was going to be the "perfect husband and father." I have continued to mull over these ideas for years. I am certain that I don't have all of the answers but I have come to a place where I feel more peace in this area of my life.
One of conclusions from "The Package Deal" is that "the different activities and relationships in men's lives are not separate and isolated but integral parts of wholes." I have started to view these areas of my life as part of a spider web--the tension/connection from one area of the web actually makes the rest of the web more viable (without that tension the web would collapse). I used to think that spending time in one area subtracted from the other (separate and isolated) but now I view each of these activities as “integral parts of [the] whole." I see now that going to work and working hard is actually key to "holding up" my ability to spend time with my kids and family. Doing chores around the house can help me become a better provider. And etc.
A recent Mormon Message (watch below) added an even deeper level of clarity for me on this subject. Fathers are not the only people that struggle with competing interests in their lives (it’s just the life that I am living). I hope that idea of viewing them as part of your spider web can bring you a little more peace and happiness.
Sociology is a great field of study and my understanding of its theories have helped shape my view points on many topics.
About half way through my degree I was in a family sociology class when we read a book called "The Package Deal: Marriage, Work and Fatherhood in Men's Lives". At that point I was not married but was dating my future wife.
This book deals with the idea that men/fathers have competing interests that battle for their time, attention, and dedication. When I began to read this book it crystallized ideas that had been floating in my head for a long time. As men/fathers (especially within the LDS culture) it is expected that we will be successful at work, that we will provide for our family, that we will be actively engaged in our children lives and spend more time with them, try to do a more equal load of chores around the house, and that we will magnify and fulfill our callings (not from the book I added that one in). When thinking about these different tensions I would become so frustrated as I tried to "plan" how I was going to be the "perfect husband and father." I have continued to mull over these ideas for years. I am certain that I don't have all of the answers but I have come to a place where I feel more peace in this area of my life.
One of conclusions from "The Package Deal" is that "the different activities and relationships in men's lives are not separate and isolated but integral parts of wholes." I have started to view these areas of my life as part of a spider web--the tension/connection from one area of the web actually makes the rest of the web more viable (without that tension the web would collapse). I used to think that spending time in one area subtracted from the other (separate and isolated) but now I view each of these activities as “integral parts of [the] whole." I see now that going to work and working hard is actually key to "holding up" my ability to spend time with my kids and family. Doing chores around the house can help me become a better provider. And etc.
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Thanks Patrick. It was very uplifting to read this from a good friend and person I look up to. Thanks for all you do and are.
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